Damaged goods
by popscb
Summary: Laurens life has never been a simple one, with her returning to Walford a year after going to rehab, will she be able to life a normal life, build bridges and move on or will she always be damaged goods living in the past ? give it read and leave your thoughts :)
1. Chapter 1

**I have no idea where this came from, I decided to write something new ad this happened so... I have no idea where it's going but I quite liked it xx**

Damaged goods

Parents don't really realize the damage their occasional slight remarks cause. On some level I know it is not their fault really. Sometimes they just don't realize they've forgotten to turn on their internal filters. On some occasions though, they do realize what they've said but seem to assume that you won't remember or that you simply don't understand. From a young age I'd realised that my Mum and Dad's relationship wasn't the same as other kids' in my class. For one my Mum was a good 5 years younger than the rest of the Mum's and she somehow seemed ashamed to be with me. It wasn't so much at home, just the odd little things at nursery- I remember other parents would stand and talk on the playground, mine wouldn't. We'd sit in the car and wait for the bell and then she'd walk me to the door. It was one day he said something, thinking I didn't understand when I did, that stuck with me. Mum's exact words were "Life would be so much easier without you sometimes" at the time it didn't really register, but as I got older and the phrase was thrown around a little more than any child would have liked to hear, I began to understand that Mum actually meant the words.

I think as I got older I began to understand her resentment towards me; she was 17 when she had me, and I only existed because of her and Dad had an affair and got a little forgetful. I wasn't until Abi was born a few years later I realised how different they were around her, she was wanted where I wasn't. I think that's where my strong bond with Uncle Jack comes in. Every weekend he'd take me out, even if it was to the park or just to his house, he never broke his promise. He was always there for me and we had an understanding. You'd think that because I was older my parents would have understood I was much more aware and I actually had feelings. There were little comments thrown around here and there, all of which could be taken lightly or taken them as they were meant.

At 13 Dad had had another affair luckily no more children were created in the process, just the breaking apart of my brother's marriage and then subsequently the breaking of Mum and Dad's. Oh no actually I take the previous comment back, my brother was created, which brought Mum and Dad back together. Lucky us ay? It was about this time things for me took an all-time low.

By no means was I the attention seeking sort, but when it comes to the point when you Mum forgets to pick you up from school and your Dad shouts bye to his other kids when he leaves every morning, and not you, you decide enough is enough. I took action and turned up on Uncle Jack's doorstep with bags in hand. You know it took nearly 5 hours before they even realised I was missing? Dad eventually turned up apologizing and doing his concerned dad act, I think I'd begged Uncle Jack to adopt me at one point. And in hindsight it might not have been a bad idea. Long story short. Dad left, Mum got cancer, I turned to alcohol, fell so deep in Love with my cousin it was painful and then I nearly died.

Sorry to be blunt but that's really how it was. There was no point in lying about it, lies get you know where, I learnt that the hard way. Things had changed a lot in two months. I wasn't living on the square anymore, at home with Mum and Dad. To be honest, I shouldn't really call it that, it stopped feeling like home years ago. I wasn't even living in London.

I was somewhere new- somewhere different, somewhere I didn't really want to be. People say in here, that it's for the best. It's the best decision I ever made. Not really. I'll never be able to understand why I felt the need to stay in hear as long as I have been. I could have easily gone a year ago. But that would have meant facing things, facing the truth.

The Truth being, I was damaged goods, I wasn't worth effort, but that doesn't stop your heart from yearning. It doesn't stop you from wanting your own personal addiction and I'm not talking about the Alcohol. That's no longer an addiction; it's a temptation but not as much as Joey is. He's my temptation now and he's the thing my heart keeps screaming for, I try to stop it but nothing works. Deep down it's him I want and frankly I think it's him I need too.

**Thoughts ? want it to carry on ? any ideas as too how ? xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**So now I have a good set out of where this is going... here's your next chapter. The story is Laurens POV and is set in June 2014, after she's been in rehab for 12 months, all shall be come clear (I hope) x**

Chapter 2 

There are lots of feelings that cannot be defined; they can only be felt in the cruellest of ways. Like Love. Everyone has their own definition of the word; their own way of describing it to you and themselves, but it is undefinable. Every movie has a different way to express the feeling and some are so completely unreal, it drills you into a false sense of reality. The films you watch when your little , give you the dreams, that as you get older, you realise won't come true, because not everyone has a price charming waiting to rescue them or a fairy godmother to magic away the harsh reality.

Every little girl out there has her precious little heart set on finding her prince. She has the vision of her perfect life, with her prince living in her castle. I know because I was once that naïve little girl with dreams, but now the dreams seem a far, painful cry from the real world. From what Love really is.

I think Love is all about missing someone isn't it? How else can you define it… it's a feeling? Other than that what can you say? It's painful, it hurts? It does yes, but surely that would be defined as heart break and not love. I am pretty sure, that every person who has ever loved has missed that very same person. They would have missed something or someone at some point in their life and I'd guarantee if you asked them now, they will have, at some time or another loved that person.

Missing someone is so simple to say, yet so hard to feel, to miss someone you have to remember them and remembering them is agonizing; so damn agonizing. I noticed over the year I was in rehab, that because I miss him – everything reminds me of him. It is as though everything around me in this world is just there to remind me that he does still exist and I have to acknowledge the fact that I love him still.

I wake up in the morning hearing the alarm beeping signalling 8:30; and it instantly reminds me of the wake up calls from Joey. I stand in the bathroom at the sink imagining his toothbrush in the holder next to mine, his towel on the rail. A single look in the mirror and I see him standing behind me, hurrying me up telling me I was perfect as I was. My clothes- each item reminding me of the complement they received or the appreciative looks they got from him. Every song I listen to somehow manages to link me back to him, be it the song we first laughed to, kissed to, even cried to, each one brings back a bittersweet memory that you want to forget because it's too painful, but you want to cherish it all the same. The list of things is just endless, literally everything links to him and then you realise it's because for 6 months of your life, it wasn't just your life, it was the both of yours, it was lived together.

It's stupid really and I know it is; these things have always been there, it's just because I'm missing him, that everything triggers a memory. Even though most of the time there is no relation, it's just the heart craving.

Sometimes you smile because it reminds you of what you had and sometimes it brings on an onset of tears that seem unwilling to stop once they've started. The worst part is I am reminded every single time, that I did love him (and probably still do) and what we had was something special. My dreams are haunted with memories of him and the longer I'm away the more I can feel myself falling into his gravity.

Something always brings me back to him. It never takes too long to feel I need to be around him; even if it's just to see him. It doesn't matter what I say or do; or how long I'm away it's always him I end up needing. It's like he's chained to my memory and there's never been a time when he wasn't there and I didn't want to drown in his love.

But I think it's time. I need to be set free. I need to cut the invisible cord that keeps me bouncing back to him. I'm begging for the truth, my heart and head need to know. It needs to be able to feel again, because right now, a whole 12 months later it's still a little numb from the pain he caused. I'm glad of the time's we had that I could say I was happy, but in all honesty, I wasn't ready to let him go when I did. Him, combined with my parents, lead to the situation in which I'm in now; Standing on platform 4 of Walford tube station contemplating jumping straight back on the train to Bristol, pretending like I never left there. It sounds like the best idea I have right now. I went step back onto the train, my foot barely touched the step as a warm hand rested on my shoulder, turning me round so our eyes met.

"Lauren?"

**As and when this will be updated I don't know... but I will try and get one a day up for you. Hope you enjoyed Who's stopped Lauren?...I'll be back tomorrow x**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

I blinked several times, just to assure myself that I wasn't dreaming and I definitely wasn't; all plans to step back on that train, diminished within seconds. As always it seemed the decision had been made for me and I hoped that this time it would actually be a decision that I could be thankful for. I edged a little closer onto the platform as the train pulled away. Looks like I was staying in Walford. He smiled at me his most caring smile, the one I'd missed seeing; and I felt a little better already. His arm opened up, his hand calling me into him for a hug. I took a deep breath and moved to his arms. The warmth of them so comforting, that I felt safe, I felt relieved that, by some miracle, it was him I saw first.

"Uncle Jack" I breathed, a small smile curving to my lips as my arms locked around his shoulders. God it was so good to be back to somewhere I felt relaxed. Then again, this was only the tube station, I've yet to actually step foot into Walford itself: face the market, the pub, R&R and worst of all number 23.

"How you doing kid? It's so good to see you" he relinquished is hold of me for a brief second, it was only seconds but I already missed the protection I felt from him. His eyes did a quick look of me before he pulled me into a tighter hug.

"I've missed you Uncle Jack" I whispered smiling into his shirt. I had missed him, truly I had, and I probably would have missed him a whole lot more if it wasn't for another certain Branning man clouding my mind. Part of me was slightly confused why Uncle Jack had been here at the tube station, he usually drove everywhere. As if he'd heard my inner thoughts he pulled away from me and grabbed my small case of clothes.

"Your Mum called." He raised his eyebrow at me; I was guessing the clinic called Mum. It wasn't like I had to stay there, we could come and go as we pleased; there were no time frames in which you had to stay. I'd been there for a year and decided I needed to leave. I told my counsellor and she was more than happy with my decision, she thought I was ready, and had pleasure in telling me she thought I'd been ready 6th months ago; but was waiting for me to make the decision- It had to be my decision see, they couldn't make it for you. So I guess they phoned Mum, who had obviously called Uncle Jack.

My Mum you see, still has very little faith in me, she thinks I'm going to mess up. I've been sober for exactly a year you know and she still thinks I'm going to fail. I'm glad she called Uncle Jack though, I know he won't judge.

"she was worried when the clinic called her and said you'd left, she assumed you'd come here" as we walked down the steps to the exit, I could feel the tension rising in my body. I had no idea how hard this was going to be. Everything was the same, the sights, sounds, even the smell of things were the same; I was a bit disappointed to be honest, I was expecting (hoping at least) something's to have changed. But this, no this was like stepping into a time machine, where I was the only thing different. "Lauren?"

I lifted my head to Uncle Jack who was watching me intently, I'd been staring at the exit for some time I gathered "I don't think I can do this Just yet… I need to take this all in" Thankfully he seemed to understand my trepidation and suggested we went for a coffee.

That's what I loved about Uncle Jack, he always knew the right things to say, the right things to do. Like when I was younger and I rowed with Mum and Dad, Uncle Jack would give me a hug and things would seem less painful. We sat in the coffee shop at the tube station, this was new. Instead of it being the little vending stall it used to be it was now a Costa coffee, it seems some parts of Walford were trying to change. I was in my own little world watching the people passing by. Some of them were smiling, laughing whilst others rushed up the steps with brief cases obviously running late.

"So what are you doing back here then? Other than to see your favorite uncle" he smirked into his drink pushing a steaming mug in my direction. I shrugged my shoulders, letting my finger trace the rim of the mug. "So you're not here to stay?"

"Honestly Uncle Jack, I don't really know what I'm here for. I had it all set out on the train. I was going to come back see Dad and you of course and see if I could stay. I mean it's really nice down in Bristol, but there's nothing for me. I've gotten as better as I can down there, and I know I won't feel truly better until I face things back here."

"And by face things you mean Joey right?" I could tell he was waiting to gage my reaction at the mention of his name, after all he was such a sore subject; one the whole family knew wouldn't be forgotten anytime soon. I merely nodded, not wanting to avoid his question but not quite willing to give it a solid answer just yet. "He's not been the same since you went. It took Alice nearly a month to get him to leave the house again…he's hurting just as much as you are I think" I took a sip of the coffee, half wanting it to give me the buzz the alcohol did, but that was wishful thinking I guess. "You're looking better though Lauren… you need get some food down you though kid you're wasting away"

I smiled gratefully and then scoffed a little; he always made jokes about me being thin telling me I need to eat. I had lost a bit of weight; I wasn't exactly big to start with, but throughout my time in the clinic I'd turned to exercise as my release. I focused my energy into running; all thoughts about alcohol and Joey were replaced with exercise. As it turns out I was exercising at near constant, thoughts of my two addictions permanently invading my mind. "Ye I might get you training me up at the gym Uncle Jack" He looked at me with a strange look. "I guess you could say exercise is my addiction now"

"Ye I think we could give you some work out sessions" there was a slight mischievous glint in his eye as he said it. "Boxing might be a bit more like your thing though ay? You got a pretty nifty left hook if I remember rightly" both of started laughing, although he was always the one to tell me not to fight my way out of situations, I knew he was secretly proud of my fighting skills.

"I know how to use my hands" I said holding them up in fight stance in front of my face. "So don't get messing with me…"

"Hmm… I was just about to ask you where you were going to stay… but I think I'll avoid that question for now." I rolled my eyes at him; he'd just asked the question. That's one thing that irritates me, people saying I was going to ask or I was going to do etcetera, and then say but I'm not going to now; when really by saying it, they kind of did ask.

"I don't know… In the B&B maybe, depends how things are at number 5. How are things there? Dad still with Kirsty or he moved onto someone else?" I never knew with Dad it was like a swap shop with him and his partners.

"Still Kirsty" He saw my expression which obviously showed my shock "I know, I still can't get used to it either." We'd both finished our drinks now and were sitting in a simple silence. "Come on you can stay with me and Ronnie."

"Ronnie?" I questioned frowning when the heck did that happen? Last time I was hear she was still in prison, mind Uncle Jack did call of his wedding because of her so I guess I was kind of on the horizon.

"Long story kido… come on"

*JL*JL*JL*

Later that evening I was sat in Uncle Jack's place, having being fed and watered and settled in. He and Ronnie lived together in his flat, just like they used to. It was so nice to see them back together; you could see it on their faces, every time they were near each other that they were in love.

I didn't have a problem with Ronnie, never did have really. Everyone deserves a second chance. God I've had so many chances I think I'm on my second 100 times over. It was nice having a female presence around too, someone who I could talk to without being judged, Ronnie was brilliant like that. She just listened, I'd only been there for about 4 hours and already it felt like home. Felt like I'd got a part of me back. Ronnie had spoken to me telling me she knew she wasn't my Mum, but she was there if I ever needed her, on I was so grateful for that.

"I think I'm off to bed Ronnie" I climbed from the sofa where Ronnie and I had been watching a film, Uncle Jack had been in the kitchen working through the accounts all night so Ronnie was grateful for the company.

"Good night sweetheart… do you want waking up in the Morning or anything?" I shook my head, unlike the old Lauren, I now knew the art of getting up while it could still be called morning. "Ok Night"

"Night… and thank you, both of you, for letting me stay here" The nodded and smiled as I went to the spare room. I climbed into the bed, I don't know why I wasn't even tired. I think I just need some time on my own. My head was still confused and still infiltrated with Joey. I wanted to see him but didn't at the same time. I felt like this was a never ending circle of do's and don'ts.

I lay staring at the ceiling, since when did I become so realistic, I literally thought about every single pro and con I possible could in relation to going to see Joey. The old Lauren would have damned the consequences and would have been banging on the door of number 23 right about now. But instead here I was, screwing over my heart and going with my head.

It was all just a stupid thought that could send me back to the bottle. After all this time he possible couldn't Love me still. He probably didn't even think about me; which just made me feel even more stupid because I was thinking of him 24/7, like a silly little girl with a dream that had little possibility of coming true.

**So Lauren thinks Joey cant possibly love her after all this time... wonder if she's right back soon xx**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

The blurry shapes before me became sharp objects as the remnants of my dream floated blissfully away in to the land of sleep, I opened my eyes to the glare of morning sun, and I realized I'd slept the best I had in probably the entire year I'd been away from the square. My mind seemed strangely clear this morning but I needed to run. I needed to ensure I stuck to my routine. I slipped into my running gear and left a post-it-note in the kitchen for Jack and Ronnie.

The cool morning air hit my face as I stepped outside; it was mid-June now so it was warm enough and safe enough to go running at this time in a morning, not that I cared either way. Back at the clinic I ran through all sorts of weather, resulting in several occasions of flu throughout the winter months. I hated running to start with, like completely loathed it but now, I wouldn't be without it. Running is a slow addiction that gradually becomes your drug over time. It burns the most calories in the least amount of time you know? So you keep doing it even though it's hard, you work and work to hit targets; for me it was to get fit to have something to occupy my ever wondering mind and yes I did hate it. But then you grow to love it and you get so much satisfaction from running longer and faster and pushing yourself that little bit more each time- and the best of it is- it's for no one's benefit other than yours.

I secured my ear phones in letting the beat of the music set my running pace as my feet started to move against the pavement. It was good to run some place new, it had a new feel to it. As the song changed the beat quickened, I pounded my feet across the road, as my lungs strained. But I had to run faster, I had to get past that door. A cold shudder crept up my spine; I'm too paranoid for my own good. I'm sure he wouldn't be there, he wouldn't be watching me, of course he wouldn't; he didn't even know I was back. I was just being stupid, but I couldn't help but run faster to get away from that part of the square and past the door of number 23.

My heart pounded to the beat of my feet racing over the hard ground as the Sweat beaded my forehead. My throat ached for air, more air as I pushed myself further and harder than before My muscles stretched, with each step I took as I evened out my pace bringing me to a brief stop. I'd run the distance of the entire square and had somehow ended up by the tube station, I guess you could say Joey had been my motivation to run this morning, well the motivation was to get past his front bloody door. I took a long swig of water from my water bottle and looked at the time, I was pretty surprised it was only 8am; I'd been out for a good half hour. Tightening my bobble around my hair, I quickly stretched and started a slow jog, moving to a more gentle rhythm.

The square was becoming more alive now. People were starting to emerge from their houses, cars pulling up, the market traders all setting up ready for business. My eyes quickly darted to where a door closed and they landed on number 23, Alice pushing a buggy out smiling and laughing. I stayed static for a second not wanting to be seen, which really, wasn't a wise move. It would have been more beneficial for me to move and hide, but I could I was grounded to the spot. Eventually my feet decided to work again. I adjusted my ear phones and pivoted on the spot.

"OW" that hurt that really hurt I have no clue what I'd collided with but it freaking hurt.

"I'm so sorry are you ok?" This soft male voice filled my ears as I picked my water bottle up from the floor. At this point my back was turned to him as he stood behind me, gently gripping my arms. He was continuing to apologize when I finally got my bearings and saw him.

My heart stopped. Literally stopped. I had no idea how I planned on seeing him again but it certainly wasn't like this. I could feel all the moisture in my mouth quickly absorb, my words become dry and non-existent. I dared a look at him and could see he was suffering from the same form of shock I was. My eyes grazed over his body, annoyingly sticking to his solid, muscular chest that was only clad with a white vest. There was a slight glisten across his well-built arms where the little beads of sweat glistened in the light I was being completely irrational here - god I had to get out of here fast, or that irrationality would be kissing him here and now despite everything that was going through my head. My mouth hung open a little, but no words were willing to come out.

"Lauren, your back?" he said pointing out the obvious.

I raised my eyebrow and looked to the floor nodding nervously at his question, even though I was sure he wasn't expecting an answer. We both stood, in complete silence not a single word, I wasn't sure if either of us were breathing. I know I certainly had to remind myself how to do so.

"I… I need to go" I stuttered out like a complete idiot. I looked around him trying to plan my route out and with an escape planned; I started to move around him. I sped off in a jog going back to uncle Jacks, this all seemed too weird. Joey wasn't following me. I dared a look over my shoulder and noticed he was still stood like a goldfish in the exact same spot. I guess he was surprised.

At least one thing I knew now… I was still in Love with Joey Branning.

**So there's todays chapter Joeys made an appearance... unfortunately I wont be able to update until sunday so if I cant get another up tonight bye till then ! xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I slammed the flat door shut my eyes closing and head falling back as I tried to control my rapid breathing. I could feel the tear building under my eye lids and really didn't want to open them in case they fell. I didn't want to be weak, I didn't want to let him have this control over me, yet with one simple look, I was back under his spell. His stupid enchantment that had me hating myself for still being in god damn love with him. I guess I'd expected it, to have some sort of reaction to seeing him, but not this reaction.

Part of me was hoping to hate him, so I could move on, get rid of him from my thoughts and simply live the rest of my life, obviously I was being a little blind in the fact I had been so deeply in love with him once, I thought my heart wouldn't be so foolish again. Yet here it was, beating double time at the sight of him, a mere thought and my breath hitched.

"Lauren?" I could faintly hear Ronnie's voice in the room, her worry so clear through her voice. "Jack…" She called for my Uncle, obviously needing his input here. I remained leaning against the door, but slowly slid my body so I was on the floor. I knew I was crying now. This was way too much for me to take in.

"Talk to me Lauren…" Uncle Jacks hand settled on my shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze as I prised my eyes open. I took a few seconds to gain the courage to even think of him never mind say his name.

"I saw him… I saw Joey" He looked at me intently, his eyes full of a thousand questions, so I began to answer as best I could. "I was out running, he was there… ran into me, literally. It took him a while to recognize me and then I ran… couldn't face him"

"It was always going to be hard babe. You knew that…"

"I've dreamt for weeks about seeing him again, it was the only thing that kept me going at one point, but it wasn't meant to happen like that uncle Jack. It was meant to mean something. I wasn't meant to love him still. But I do I really do. He hasn't changed. He's still the joey I fell in love with, but I'm not the Lauren he fell for am i?"

Jack sighed and wiped my tears from my cheeks "No you're not; you're a better version of that Lauren he fell for. You need to talk to him. No matter what you dreamt of, it didn't happen the right way, but it doesn't mean the rest of it can't work out how you wanted it to does it?"

Uncle Jack was right Most of my dreams are just going to be dreams. But at the end of the day, that crazy dream of mine brings a smile on my face. That is all that matters to me.

If all the odds are against you, every piece of your life that you have carefully built up is falling apart, there is nothing that is going your way, the facts state that you are screwed and right now that's exactly how I felt and if all I had was my deluded little dream then so be it.

"What would you do?" I asked looking across the room to Ronnie. She was perched on the arm of the sofa watching me with soft Motherly eyes. I could do with a girl's opinion right now.

"Honestly?" I nodded "What's your heart telling you?" she spoke softly

"That I need Joey… that I want to show him I've changed and to prove can be a better person. And I love him" I dipped my head as I whispered the latter of the sentence.

"Then I think you have your answer Lauren. It's no good following your head, when your heart keeps you alive. If you think you could work things with him then I think you need to try." I nodded.

*JL*JL*JL*

Deciding to get other things out the way first, before I conquered the Joey issue I decided I needed to face My Father and so his lovely Kirsty too. Me and Dad hadn't departed on the best of terms, much like me and the majority of square to be honest. I knew behind his fake caring phone calls and rushed "We all miss you" letters he blamed me for Mum leaving, despite the fact he was the one who left and married a tart in the first place. One thing I learnt in rehab was, that the marriage of my parents, was not my fault.

Obviously, like I said before, my Dad seemed to disagree stating I was a problem child from a young age. To be honest though, any child living with my parents would have had problems, except I liked to show I had issues, I ran away quite often (Mostly only to Uncle Jacks, but still), I ran over Dad, actually went into the care system for a while and then; clearly my biggest problem of all Alcohol.

I took a deep breath and opened knocked on the door; I had my key but It didn't feel right using it and I wasn't sure if the locks were the same after all, I'd been away for a year and things seemed to have changed, despite what I first thought at the tube station.

I could hear movements from behind the door and someone shouting, that was definitely my Dads voice. The door clicked open and Dad stood there looking completely flustered, I really didn't want to know what I'd just interrupted.

"Hi Dad" I smiled sweetly. But he did nothing, not even a smile.

"What are you doing back?" he bit back, his words hurting me.

"It's nice to see you too Dad, I can see I've been missed." Just then Kirsty appeared behind him wrapping a silk black dressing gown around her.

"Lauren!" he voice was several octaves higher than I thought was humanly possible as she forced a smile across her face. I let my eyes look the two of them over.

"I'm going to go… I'm sorry I interrupted" I swiftly turned on my heel and Dad didn't even bother to follow me. Several seconds later I heard the door shut again. I wasn't upset as such more disappointed. I wandered aimlessly through the square and ended up sitting on a bench in the gardens. My eyes traced over the life around the square, watching every one laughing and joking outside the vic. The more I thought about it the more I realised I wanted a drink right now.

I felt the tears burn in my eyes again- ok maybe I lied earlier. I was upset; heart-broken and now I needed a drink. Before I knew it I was pushing against the familiar doors, walking into the only place I knew I would find comfort- the Vic.

**Will Lauren go and see Joey ? **

**Will she give in to temptation or will she fall straight back into the trap ?**

**And as for Max ... is there a reason he's acting so dismissive ? see you soon xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

The second I went through the door a felt several familiar sets of eyes on me, yet they didn't speak. They just looked over me and simply scoffed or mutter disapproving words, turning back to their conversations. The smell of the alcohol tickled my nose straight away; that alone was intoxicating and was enough to give me the extra shove towards the bar. I was half relieved and half scared that I didn't recognise the bar lady before be. If it had been Roxy or Tracy, they would have refused to serve me and that would be ok. It would stop me from making an irrational decision. But it wasn't it was a face I'd never seen before, she couldn't stop me. To her I was just another customer.

"Can I help you Love?" I stared at her a few seconds, why hadn't she questioned my intensions of being in _there_? It quickly occurred to me that she had no reason to.

"Double Vodka please" I closed my eyes, the words having spilt from my mouth like some sort of poison, before id had the chance to even think. She quickly slid the small glass of transparent liquid across to me as I gave her the money.

It sat there on the bar in my direct eye line. The liquid sloshed a little in the glass as I ran my finger around the rim. I inhaled a deep breath suddenly feeling extremely nervous. My body was craving the alcohol though. It was like a little part of me had been woken up in side, my heart was pounding; probably in fear more than anticipation. My throat cried for the liquid, the dryness becoming a little hard to bear. I knew the feeling that the vodka would bring, and where, in the past year I'd been able to rid the feelings, right now they weren't going away. In fact, if anything they were getting more prominent and so harder to ignore.

Alcohol was always a friend, a friend to down in one single tip of a glass, which would bring me almost instant relief. It was more than just a _buzz _that it gave me. It numbed me and allowed my head to shut off from the disaster that my life was. My eyes briefly looked down at the glass, it was still there, I think a stupid part of me was expecting it to move itself and put it in my hand. But nothing was going to force me drink it- that was purely my choice.

I lifted the glass from the wooden surface, feeling the prompt chill of my body as the temperature of the glass was a vast difference to that of my warm body. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks as my hand shook. How had I managed to get back to this place? The place I had to fight so hard to get back from, I was so angry with myself for even stepping back into this stupid place.

With once more disgusted look at the glass I lifted it to my lips. It touched the bottom of my lip and I could taste the slight bitterness of the vodka. My tongue glided down and gently licked where the glass had touched. Before I knew it my fingers had dropped the glass back to the bar and they were touching the spot where the minute drop of alcohol had landed. I let out a garbled sob and felt a hand land on mine. Easing them away from the glass I was so near to grasping again.

"You didn't drink it Lauren" My head snapped up and locked with Joey's. His eyes that very same shade of brown, but his once, lust filled eyes, were no looking at me with sympathy and concern. I turned my back on him shrugging his hand from my shoulder, despite the warmth it was sending through me.

"Come on Lauren… You don't need to be here" reluctantly I allowed him to move me away from me seat at the edge of the bar. I think his aim was to remove me entirely form the pub but I wasn't falling for the "_let me walk you home" _act again. Instead I slumped into a seat in the quietest corner of the pub. My vision was still blurred but I could see the small smirk tug at his lips. He disappeared for a while and I did wonder if he was going to leave me there, I couldn't argue to with the fact that that would have been a very bad idea. I was starting to feel a bit suffocated when Joey reappeared and slid a glass, of what I assumed to be orange juice, across the table.

The uncomfortable silence over took us, he sat staring at me, nervously tapping his fingers on the table. I was crying (stupidly) I didn't want to, I didn't want to show him I was weak, but obviously that wasn't working. "Lauren stop…babe" I flinched at his words. "I hate seeing you upset, you know that"

I wiped at my eyes and finally dared to talk "I'm alright, it's just… this place" I looked around the vic. It held so many memories; sadly, most of them were bad and involving Joey. It was where Me and Joey had decided to run away. It was where he came back after running at Christmas. It was the place we nearly got caught in a compromising position in the toilets ( I did smile at that), the place that the family found out about us and the place… he's broke up with me.

"Ye, you don't make things easy for yourself do you ay?" He smiled nudging me playfully. I shook my head and we retreated to our own thoughts again. "I didn't think you were ever coming back you know" I nodded and went to talk but he gently shushed me. "I honestly thought I'd never see you again. That the last time I saw you we were on such bad terms and it's killed me thinking we ended up that way after everything that went on between us."

I nodded completely understanding what he was saying "Do you regret us Joey?" His eyes widened as he quickly shook his head.

"No, why do you?"

"No…I just things would have ended up differently. If I didn't get so stupidly drunk and I actually spoke to you when I felt like things were going wrong we'd probably still be together wouldn't we?" He cautiously reached across and took my hand under the table; as our fingers laced together it was like there was only the two of us in the entire world.

"Don't dare blame yourself Lauren… we both had our issues. Ye I'm not saying your drinking wasn't a factor but believe me, this- us breaking up was not down to you. I should have trusted you and you should have been able to feel like you trusted me. You might not have needed the alcohol then" I could see him getting worked up as we remembered our past.

I took a deep breath not wanting to get into things right now, I definitely wasn't in the right emotional state and to be honest, my councillor in rehab had pretty much talked me out on the Joey front. "Why don't we leave the past as the past ay?" He questioned obviously sensing my reluctance to get into the conversation with him.

"That sounds like a plan"

"Good. You're looking really well by the way, time from here must have done you good" I smiled at his awkwardness. He was a male, I got that and he was my Ex – I got that too, but the way he was looking at me showed so much more. His eyes were alight they were alive.

"Ye, well I am…" I hesitated with the next word; it didn't seem to fit right after my near mishap just. "_Well_"

"It's good to hear it babe"

"I run now too…" A small smirk threaded across his face as he looked up at me, his brow raised about his perfect eyes.

"Ye I kinda gathered that this Morning…You like running?"

"Hum Hmm I guess it's my release" I sipped at my drink. Why was I suddenly opening up to him? I could never before. So why now? What's changed? That's when Uncle Jack's words from earlier hit me. I was a better version of me and I guess this version wanted to talk to Joey.

"Maybe… we could go running together… if you wanted like" I was about to answer when the doors flung open and a skinny, blonde sauntered across to the table where we were sitting. She was pretty a little over loaded on the hair spray but she looked nice. But my opinion was about to change. She reached our table and launched herself at Joey. Who the hell was she?

My eyes began to water but I was grounded to the spot. "Hiya babycakes" she cooed placing a kiss to his cheek; which I guess was meant for his lips, only he'd turned his face at the last second. "aww who's this?" she pointed to me and then smiled "I'm Jessie, Joey's girlfriend, who are you?" He tone was probably _the_ most patronising, I've ever heard, she obviously hadn't taken too kindly to her (apparent) boyfriend, sitting with another girl. I was about to talk when Joey did.

"This is Lauren… my cousin"

And that was it. It feels like the most horrible rejection. It is the most horrible pain that you can ever endure stabbing through my chest- He'd called me his cousin.

**Well there's your next one. Thoughts ? **

**Next chapter will be in Joey's POV to get his side of things since running into Lauren (literally) xx**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

Joey's POV

I watched in pure horror as Lauren's eyes shut tightly. Was there anything worse I could have said? She was more than just a cousin, always had been and always would be, what was I mean to say though… ye Lauren this is Jess, the girl who I don't love, only remotely like and have been with to distract me from you and Jess, this is Lauren; My ex-girlfriend and cousin who I'm still madly in love with (I think) and has been on my mind even though I'm _with _you. Yep; that would have been a great conversation to have.

I couldn't believe that Jess had come here in the first place, I'd text her shortly after I'd seen Lauren, telling her I'd meet her later. I could tell she was pissed off as soon as walked through the doors. She hated me with any other girl, family or not, even though in this instance Family was also the _or not_. Jess was really clingy, too clingy; but she was actually a nice girl, she was blonde but definitely didn't fit the stereo-type. She had a degree in… I can't actually remember, but ye she had brains; a lack of common sense though and she didn't really live in the real world. She had no issues, had a loving Mum and Dad (who spoilt her rotten) and had a life made for her.

Her life was a world apart from mine and Laurens, simple and carefree.

"Oh…JoJo never said he had a cousin" I scowled at her. I had mentioned Lauren, on several occasions in fact, and she was still calling me that bloody stupid nickname. I could see amongst the hurt on her face, that Lauren was biting back a smirk. Jess looked at me and then across to Lauren and I could see her scrutinising every feature on Lauren's face. She was jealous; and she had every right to be. Lauren was beautiful and always had been in my eyes. She looked even more amazing now she was back (if that was at all possible).

Bumping into her had really surprised me this morning. It took me a good few minutes before I realised it was Lauren. She'd changed so much, firstly she was running and it wasn't even 8 o'clock- the old Lauren definitely wouldn't have done that. She used to laugh at me you know? Tell me I was mad for being out that early and Jogging, but now I guessed she felt the same way about that activity. She looked different to; so confident and just… god, perfect. I noticed though, as soon as she realised it was me the happy confident Lauren vanished and she returned to being the scared insecure Lauren that everyone knew before she left.

Snapping back to the room I noticed Lauren getting ready to leave, she was staring rather teary at Jess and me. "Nice to meet you Jess… I hope you two are very happy together" she whispered as she almost sprinted to the exit. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as she left the Vic, the doors slammed shut, with a crash. Every sound and movement seemed to be exaggerated even Jess's annoying forced chuckled.

"Move!" I pushed Jess from my lap

"She's just your cousin Joey, she'll be fine." I shook my head at her closing my eyes and biting my tongue; trying my hardest not to yell how much more than a _cousin _Lauren actually was.

"Move out my way Jess you know nothing." I ran from the pub; my eyes eagerly scanning the square for Lauren. I saw her darting across the road to the park, as I started to speed up I saw her stop and perch on the bench. Her shoulders sagged and rose again- she was crying.

I slowly approached her, my heart beating triple time. Her hands covered her face as she leaned onto her knees. Cautiously sitting next to her I moved my hand to her back. Felling like I'd been burnt when she pushed me away. "Lo…please"

"Your cousin… your Fucking cousin!" she bit with so much poison in her voice, it was painful. "Is that all I am to you now… your cousin?"

I shook my head; she definitely wasn't just my cousin. "No, you know full well you're never going to be just my cousin Lauren" she looked up at me and scoffed shaking her head.

"See this is why…this is why I could never trust you back then…you say one thing and mean another"

"What did you want me to say to her Lauren?" she remained silence for a while nervously jigged her leg.

"You know what? You can tell Miss _babycakes _whatever you want _Joey _because I guess your with her and I am, after all, just your cousin aren't I? we were together and now, now were not." She stood up from the bench and went to walk away. She took a step and turned back to me pointing her finger accusingly. "I came back for you" My eyes went wide, she'd come back for me? "for the last 12 months, you have been on my mind every fucking day. I came back to see if there was anything left to salvage from the wreck of our relationship, because despite everything I'm still in love with you. My heart is betraying me and I can't help but love you."

I couldn't talk I just froze. She loved me. All this time, she's still been in love with me. I'd been silent for too long obviously because as I opened my eyes, Lauren had gone again and I was stuck with the stark reality- I love her and that's the beginning and end of everything.

**Credit to The amazing F. Scott Fitzgerald for the last line- one of my fave lines from a book ever. **

**Sorry for the long wait... been hectic, im back at uni now and jugging a job so this may be a little hit and miss with the posting. Hope you can stick with it xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Two weeks have been and gone and I'm pretty sure, well no actually, I know, that Lauren has been avoiding me. I walk into a room she walks out, she sees me in the street she crosses over. I guess I was to blame, after her big declaration in the middle of the square I had just stood there; which I know wasn't what she needed. She needed me to tell her I loved her too; which I did more than I could put into words, but being the stupid idiot I was, I said absolutely nothing. I wasn't expecting her to say any of that, I was half expecting one of her trademark slaps to be quite honest.

I didn't know what to do, I knew what I should do, but there was something stopping me, I didn't quite have the guts, I suppose, to go and knock on her door and tell her I felt the same. Was I scared of her rejection? I think I was , I know she told me she loved me and that she was back for me; but I couldn't help the little thought that was telling me I'd missed my chance. On several occasions I had spoken to Uncle Jack; who, from what I gather, was on team Joey and Lauren, to ask him for advice on what to do. (I didn't want to do anything that would send her spiralling back to the drink).

From what Jack had said, Lauren was going mad, she was battling as much as I was with the feelings, we thought were in the past. It seemed like Jack was trying to talk sense into the both of us and his words had stuck with me. "You can't Love anyone else properly, because it's always going to be Lauren. You can't love without her, so what makes you think you can live without her?"

And he was right. I didn't Love Jess, she was a distraction- I loved Lauren, and Like he said, because I wasn't Loving anyone but Lauren, I wasn't living; I guess the same applied to Lauren really, she had come back after all. My phone rang in my hand and I saw it was Uncle Jack.

"Hello?"

"Right listen to me and list good ok…Do you love Lauren?"

"What? Uncle Jack what kind of question is that?" I said back a little irritated he'd even ask the question when he knew damn well how I felt.

"Just answer the question Joey…"

"Yes…Yes I love her, I'm in love with her."

"DO NOT tell Lauren I'm telling you this… get down to the gym as soon as you can, she's having a pretty heated argument with a punch bag, it might be your chance to actually talk to her." his voice dulled down a little and I could hear shouting in the back ground and the thudding of the punches being thrown.

"is that Lauren?"

"Ye she's …erm…frustrated lets say." He chuckled

"I'm on my way…just keep her there" I started gathering some stuff up and tossed my mug into the bowl.

"She won't be going anywhere soon Joe"

*JL*JL*JL*

As soon as I got to the gym I could hear the yelling and thudding, I went down the steps and saw Lauren punching hard at the punch bag, it was dead in the gym so the majority of noise was actually coming from Lauren. I crept into the office, making sure I wasn't seen and then went over to Jack.

"Jeese has she been doing that for long?" I asked

"about 20 minutes, she's got a good punch on her" he smiled looking across as she pounded her fists into the punch bag. "Will you be alright if I leave you with her? I promised Ronnie I'd meet her for lunch I'll be 2 hours tops" I nodded as he tossed me the keys. "I'll lock the door on the way out, no one will be in and she's likely to run"

"Ye cheers Uncle Jack" I said sarcastically. He slapped me on the back wishing me good luck.

Once Jack had left I watched Lauren work for another few minutes, she looked so hot, she had a crop top/ sports bra type thing on with a pair of leggings, her hair was scooped in a messy bun and good did she look good. Eventually plucking up the courage I made my way over to where she was.

"You should take a break, you'll hurt yourself" I swore she groaned at the sound of my voice and then swung a little harder.

"What…the….hell…are…you…doing….here" each word spoken was accompanied by a jab to the punch bag.

"Well uncle Jack call me… you look pretty upset and I needed to talk to you" she scoffed

"He got that right… I am upset." All the time she was refusing to look at me continuing to pound her fists.

"Seriously, what are you imagining that is? Because you really seem to have a problem with it"

"It's you…and every time you ever said you loved me and cared for me and every other little lie you told me." I didn't know what to say to that, she's stunned me again. At least now I knew why uncle Jack had called me, I was guessing Lauren had told him the punch bag was me. Then an idea popped into my head, probably one I'd regret later but I was willing to give it a shot.

"Is that what you wanna do then, hit me?" she didn't answer "Is it working?"

"No… it's not because each time I think I'm done I think of something else that makes me hate you a little but more" she swung he fist straight back ready for another punch but I caught it in my hand.

"Hit me… if you really want to hit me…" I was prepared, I had hand pads on so she could hit. She looked at the ground finally stopping her actions with the punch bag. "Come on. Hit me, I can tell you want to, so hit me…" she paused for a second and then weakly hit at my hand. "Pathetic…do it again"

We were standing on the boxing mats now and I was determined to get her to release some of this anger on me and finally talk. She glared at me and punched again with little power. "Is that all you got? Ian Beale can punch better than that… again"

"I hate you" she swung and this time landed a more forceful punch to my left hand. "I hate you" she repeated the movement with her left hand the power getting stronger.

"Now we're getting somewhere…How much do you hate me?" I asked moving on my feet to walk around the mats.

"A lot" she murmured wiping her forehead on her arm to get rid of the sweat.

"Then show me… keep hitting me, come on" she did as I said alternating her fists punching at my hands. "Again… come on…more. Harder, you hate me come on" she pounded and pounded at my hands and I could see my plan was starting to work. She was beginning to crack. It wasn't my intention to be the hero here; break her down and then pick up the pieces, no not at all. I needed her to face up to the fact, that she couldn't ignore me.

Suddenly she was stating to tire, the punches were getting weaker and I was sure she was starting to cry. "Come on Lauren… Last few… show me how much you hate me" I shouted.

"I cant" she panted swinging weakly "I can't hate you…" with that she sagged against my chest the boxing gloves tossed to the floor. "I can't " she sobbed against me her body rising and falling. Her hands were pressed flat against my chest as was her forehead. I quickly rid myself of the punch pads and folded my arms around her, she was so fragile and I seemed like she needed to cry like this, like she hadn't done so in such a long time.

"It's ok…shhh." She continued to cry into my t-shirt, that was getting progressively wetter by the second. As much as I hated seeing her like this, I'd finally broken down the walls that she'd built so bloody high, and she was letting me in.

**Wonder what's going to happen next ? back soon :) xx**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"I'm sorry" she mumbled wiping at her eyes "I didn't mean to cry like that…" I smiled weakly shaking my head. After a good 10 minutes of crying Lauren was finally a little calmer. "I'm so weak…crying like such an kid" We were sat in Uncle Jack's office, hot drinks in hand. Lauren was sat, almost in a ball, on the chair in the corner. She was now wearing a top I was sure was once mine, which had somehow found its way into her wardrobe.

She looked really fragile again now and I was half deciding if it was the right time to tell her everything. I guess there never really would be a right time at all when it came to what I had to say, but I didn't want to make things worse.

"My arm's a killing me" I looked up to see her stretching out her arms and wincing.

"Ye you got a pretty hefty swing on you" I saw a small curve on her lips but the smile didn't quite form. It simply faded back down as her eyes went back to staring at her mug.

"I was angry at you" her small whisper left her lips and I could tell she was scared about opening up to me.

"You had every right to be babe…I don't blame you for hating me Lauren I really don't. I'd hate me too if I was you." I was getting really nervous here, I could feel the moisture forming on my hands as I twisted my fingers assuming, that somehow it would stop me from feeling so anxious.

"I don't hate you Joey. I don't know why I said that, just another thing to add to the list of stupid things, stupid Laurens ever stupidly done."

"You shouldn't talk like that Lauren; not at all. You're not stupid, you're really clever and you speak you mind, like you should." She looked up at me her eyes clocking with mine. Eyes mean everything. When you look into someone's eyes it isn't just the person you're looking at but their feelings, emotions, and who they really are, and right in that second I saw right through Lauren. I saw every single vulnerability she had and I guess to get through to her, I needed to make myself just as vulnerable. She gazed at me her eyes telling me she needed to hear what I had to say. I was a little scared though.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything the other night…you know when you told me how you felt" She shook her head and went to move. "No, please you are not running from this Lauren. You're going to listen to what I have to say even if you don't wanna hear it."

Right here goes. "Sometimes… I wonder how I feel about you. If it's right to feel how I do, what it means for us, for others. I've always known, right from the second I laid eyes on you, that my feelings were different for you. I think I'm actually scared of my feelings Lauren, because I know the damage that they can do. I'm no good with words Lo, you know that so I keep them all unsaid, locked away in the back of my mind. I want to be able to tell you and for you to believe me when I do tell you Lauren because I don't think you do. I'm not your parents, I've never lied when I said I loved you, I cared for you. You meant everything to me Lauren. You still do, I am not one of them Lauren you need to trust me."

My hands ran over my face as she just stared blankly at me, her eyes a little wide and glassy, there was something about those brown eyes that were so captivating. "I guess I need to take the chance that you will believe me because I need to tell you. If I don't then you'll never know, and we'll both be left with the "what if's" and ye, that might be alright with you, but it aint with me."

"Joey…" she leaned across to the desk placing her mug down.

I ignored her murmur for now at least, needing to finish what I was saying before I changed my mind. " Please let me finish… I've spent the last 12 months thinking about what i'd say to you when you came bck, if you came back and now your here I've kind of lost my trail of thought. when you were away I didn't nothing but think about the "what if's" Lauren and it's sent me mad, going over and over what I did wrong and every time I come back with something new. If I was to write them down, there'd be a good few sides of A4 to read. I know I screwed up, and hurt you and I know for certain I pushed you to drink... I was the reason it got so bad and out of control"

"It wasn't your fault Joey… you were not the reason I drank. My problems started way before you were on the scene- god if I knew how to get hold of it I would have been drinking at the age of 10 probably, my parents have always been pretty shit Joe. If anything you stopped it from happening quicker. You didn't shove a bottle in my hand and force me to drink it did you? Exactly; what happened, happened Joey. I get why you feel like you're to blame, but please just stop, it's in the past. Ye it's always going to be with me and there's nothing I can do about that. I've accepted it and moved on from it, I think you should do the same."

"What if I can't? What if I don't want to…?"

She chuckled a small almost bitter laugh "Sorry to break it to you Joey, but the _thing _called Jess, that's known as your girlfriend, indicates you already have moved on…not to mention your dumbfounded silence the other week when I told you what I thought and…" she was babbling so I cut her off.

"I love you Lauren… I still love you"

**I'll be back tomorrow (I hope) enjoy :) xx**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Laurens POV

I closed my eyes, shutting myself in to darkness. He could not do this to me, he couldn't. He had no right to tell me that now after everything. Two whole bloody weeks he's said nothing to me, then again I haven't really given him the chance. I don't understand why though, why now? He could have told me two weeks ago when I told him, it would have saved so many tears I cried over him. The worst of it was, as much I as I was angry with his timing, it was exactly what I wanted, and needed to hear. I knew deep down that there was nothing that could change how I felt about him, yet this time I was the reluctant one to respond.

There was one word going around in my head. Jess.

"Lauren?" I shook my head as I felt him near me and I took a tentative step backwards creating the needed distance between us.

Finally I spoke, although the words that came out weren't exactly what'd I'd planned them to be. "I love you too" a huge smile spread across his face and he embraced me into a hug. I hated myself for feeling so safe, so at home in his arms, but this isn't what I wanted (to a certain extent at least). My councillor had told me it was ok to make mistakes, but this is one I just couldn't afford to take the risk with.

Instead of responding to the hug, like I usually would, I remained wooden in his arms, so much tension running through me. After a few very awkward seconds, Joey pulled away and scowled at me. His eyes did a sweep of my body and then frowned "Why do I have a feeling there's a but coming at the end of that sentence?"

Shooting him a sympathetic look I moved out of the office and over to the locker room to get my things. I quickly retrieved my phone and I-pod and shut the locker with the intention of going for a run. The previously useful workout session now seemed pretty insignificant.

"Because there is a but…"

"Which is?" he leaned against the door frame, looking so infuriatingly sexy. I shook my head and remembered what I was talking about before I was cruelly distracted by _those _muscles.

"You're with someone else. I am not going to be the reason you and her break up, although I have no idea why your with her any way."

"She knows my hearts with someone else Lauren…" he said softly

"Then why are you with her? it's just cruel to lead her on Joey. You wouldn't like it" I pushed passed him and went towards the door, Jamming the handle down several times. Locked. I held my hand out to Joey who was looking very smug. "Keys"

"Don't know what you're talking about…" he folded his arms across his chest, highlighting his physique even more. It should be illegal for him to do that.

"Keys now…I'm not messing Joey"

"Oh I know you're not. But I'm not either. We are not leaving here until everything is out in the open. Until we are able to spend a reasonable amount of time with each other, without wanting to kill or kiss one and other, until you tell me everything about the last 2 years and until I know… that when we leave, there might still be a chance for us."

I turned my back on him and went to the office "I really dislike you"

"I love you too"

**Small chapter I know... but I'll be back later, where the drama unfolds :) xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I watched the clock hand pass over the 12 again, another minuet gone by. That's 45, very awkward and silent minuets sitting in an office with nothing to say. There were several pieces of paper in front of me that I'd doodled on, nothing interesting just vacant images that my councillor would have a field day picking apart. Joey just sat staring at me; arms folded a determined look on his face.

"You know this would be much easier if you just spoke to me" I looked up at him as he raised his eye brow. Wasn't going to work. "Fine then… If you won't talk I will… I have a lot to say." I sighed heavily. What else could he say that he hadn't already said earlier?

"I've missed you" I scoffed before he went any further. Really looked like he'd missed me didn't it. He was currently with someone else. Anyway if you miss someone surely you tell them. He had contact with Abi uncle Jack even my dad it wouldn't have taken very much for him to just ask one of them to pass a message on would it ? but he didn't. so I was pretty sure that "I've missed you" was a lie.

"I have missed you Lauren. 12 months is an extremely long time to feel like that you know. When you left… you know how I found out? Lucy, of all people I had to find out from, it was Lucy. No one told me where you were, if you were coming back, Abi and your dad completely shunned me, which I really didn't blame them for but I tried every day for a month to get one of them to talk to me, to tell me you were doing ok. In the end Uncle Jack saw how desperate I was and talked me through everything. I was relieved to know you'd gone to get help but I couldn't help missing you."

I could hear the catch in his voice and I did feel a little bit guilty that he didn't know where I was, I had asked Abi to say bye to him, but I guess she didn't.

"You haven't left my thoughts, Lauren. Ever. Not even once. Every day I'd wake up and the first hing I'd think of is you. I do that now and you're only across the road. To put it simply, I missed you. Every little thing you did I missed, even the irritating things. I missed the way you would come round in the middle of the day to annoy me. I miss your smile; I don't think I've seen you smile properly in a long time Lauren. I miss every moment lived with you. I hate every moment that was spent without you. I could spend hours trying to explain why it still hurts and if that's how long it took I would do, but it's complicated because until two weeks ago I didn't know how you felt. But sometimes I think I'd rather not know how you felt because it makes things harder to accept."

I could feel my eyes starting to fill with tears. He sounded so defeated yet so willing to fight. I guess it hadn't occurred to me before the effect that me going away had actually had on everyone else. I knew Dad wasn't coping well when he came to visit, but a few weeks later we received a rather annoyed phone call from Abi telling us that the other wife (Kirsty) was back on the scene. I adjusted my position in the chair to look at Joey fully, encouraging him to continue.

"I don't sleep properly because of you Lo, I'd love to know why even the smallest thought of you still keeps me awake at the strangest hours of the night, it's so irritating to know that you have that effect on my mind when I don't know if I have the same effect on you."

"You do…" I whispered. But he carried on talking, having not heard or choosing to ignore me.

"You've not change whilst you were away… not really. You're still my beautiful Lauren. Your eyes are still my favorite place to get lost in, the most beautiful of brown ever. Your heart is still the only place I can call home. And you can call me crazy if you like, but I don't think you'll ever understand the effect your smile has on me, I wasn't lying all those few years back when I said you should smile more often."

In an instant I felt the blush rising in my cheeks and the tears glazing across my eyes, his words were hitting hard, he really did feel all these things for me. I could tell by the look on his face how hard he had taken things how much he was hurting. His hands wiped down his face and he seemed to be questioning whether to say his next sentence.

"Despite what you might think Joey… I did miss you and I still do. It hurts to see you with her, but at the same time I can see how happy you make her, I don't want to be the reason she's unhappy, because I know once someone love's you, it's pretty damn had to stop Joe. When I left I wasn't in the best place. I wasn't thinking and I was addicted to alcohol. Mum paid for me to go to a clinic to get better and they helped me get clean. I've been sober for 12 months, and ye it's been hard, so damn hard. But the one thing that kept me going; believe it or not, was you. Every counseling session, the councilor tried to get to the route of the problems and she did she found pretty quickly that my Mum and Dad were to blame. But after several sessions she noticed I was still "Hiding" something. And that was you. She'd come to the conclusion that I wasn't able to let go of you became you were the first person in life that I properly loved."

"And was she right?" he asked

"Ye… she hit the nail on the head. She told me that it was like having a 24/7 war with loving you and hating you and every time the same one wins. Loving you. Some sessions I'd try to convince myself I didn't love you but I never worked. It's why I eventually took up running, so I could get you out of my head." I smiled weakly and noticed a somewhat proud look on his face.

"I wrote to you… when you were away. Probably once a week for about 3 months until you didn't reply and I got the message you didn't want anything to do with me." I frowned "What?"

"I didn't get any letters…"

"I gave them all to your Dad to give them to you, I didn't have your address so… pretty much everything I've just said was written in them as well as some other things too." I wiped my tears from my eyes and Joey was staring intently at me. "Why are you crying ay?"

"I didn't get the letters. Dad obviously didn't send them. I would have replied Joe… I really would have done." He shook his head "I need those letters"

"I'll talk to your dad. He could have sent them, they might have just got lost in the post or something." I nodded but I highly doubted it, one or two letters yes but 20 ? no way.

"You know sometimes when I look at you, I just want to kiss you. More than anything, I just want one kiss; a kiss to tell me that you trust your lips against mine, to prove to me that I can still see the world with my eyes closed. I miss the impossible feeling of having my lungs filled with the sweetest air possible that you breath, yet still feel so breathless at the same time. I miss everything single thing about kissing you, about holding you." He breathed out through his nose heavily.

"Do you want to kiss me now?"

"Yes" he smiled nodding to accompany his definite answer; there was no hesitation there at all in the slightest. We fell into a very weird silence.

"Can I ask you something?" he nodded "Why did you break up with me… if you love me like you say you do?"

"It terrified me that I had the responsibility of catching you when you said you were falling. Not because I didn't want to help you, I did, but because I've never been trusted with such fragile and genuine person before, because I felt like you'd lied and I know now you hadn't. I failed you. Now what terrifies me the most is that you're not going to let me be there to catch you if you ever feel like you're falling again Lauren, and I don't think I could handle that"

"Did you not listen to me earlier? You didn't fail me Joey. You didn't."

"You might not think so Lauren, but I do. I know for a fact that me breaking up with you made you drink more. I broke your heart Lauren. I remember it like it was yesterday babe when it was all so real. I lost the best part of me that day Lauren. I lost you, I just hope it wasn't forever."

"You didn't lose me Joey… Im still your…"

He furiously shook his head at me "Don't finish that sentence the way I did the other week please… I love you Lauren more than a cousin, more than a friend. It's different this time around it's too strong to ignore, even if I wanted to. You drive me crazy and keep me sane at the same time and I wouldn't want it any other way. At times it hurts to love you, and it fills me with anger that I become ashamed to tell you how I feel to show you. Ashamed, not just for the wrong things that I have done, but also for the right things that I failed to do."

"Joe…" I moved out of my seat and over toward him. I rested backwards against the desk as he continued.

"I forced myself not to love you when you did nothing but love unconditionally, because I thought it was my fault, my love was hurting you, but I just hurt myself. Jess knows how I feel about you Lauren. The other week in the pub she knew exactly who you were, I talked about you all the time and she's seen pictures of you. I guess she knew that now you were back she wasn't needed. I know it sounds bad but it's true and Jess knew that. She's gone Lauren. Jess left me last week because she knew my heart was with you."

My eyes opened wide, he wasn't with Jess anymore ?

"I guess you were the kind of secret I couldn't keep to myself. And I didn't really think about where it would end up because you weren't here. I was so gripped in trying to replicate what I had with you with Jess; I just got caught up in loving you again."

"Joey…" I tried talking again but he carried on. He was on a roll here.

" by turning my back on you I turned my back on the one person that believed they could count on me. I will never be able to forgive myself for destroying that trust you had in me. Not being able to have the only thing you want out of life hurts a hell of a lot more than people say it does."

"Joey…" I was smiling now and he still hadn't noticed. "Joey…"

"I just really am sorry for everything and I hope to god that"

"For god's sake Joe…" I leaned over to him and pressed my lips against his, savoring every little morsel of emotion in it. I pulled away and captured his face with my hands. "has anyone told you talk too much? Because you do sometimes you need to shut up and listen."

He smirked at me and wrapped his arm around my waist "and what exactly do I need to listen to?"

"Me. I was trying to tell you that I forgive you and love you and miss you and that you could kiss me."

"Hmmm I should really listen shouldn't I?" He asked drawing his head closer to mine again.

My arms draped around his neck and locked there as he kissed me softly once more. "You really should"

**Hope you liked... quite a lot happened there, L didn't get J's letters and they took a huge step forward but was it too soon ? back soon xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello my lovely readers ! if your here and reading this thank you so much for coming back to this ...it's took a while for my ideas to come back to me and it definite wouldn't have happened with out the help from the lovely eastendersfan444 so thank you ! I am to post the rest of this at least once a week (LIFE IS HECTIC) so without further ado here's the chapter ...tissues may be needed ! **

_Previously In Damaged Goods :_

_"For god's sake Joe…" I leaned over to him and pressed my lips against his, savouring every little morsel of emotion in it. I pulled away and captured his face with my hands. "has anyone told you talk too much? Because you do sometimes you need to shut up and listen."_

_He smirked at me and wrapped his arm around my waist "and what exactly do I need to listen to?"_

_"Me. I was trying to tell you that I forgive you and love you and miss you and that you could kiss me."_

_"Hmmm I should really listen shouldn't I?" He asked drawing his head closer to mine again._

_My arms draped around his neck and locked there as he kissed me softly once more. "You really should"_

Joey's POV

There was an awkward cough from the doorway as Me and Lauren pulled away from the kiss.

"Oh don't mind me…it's not like this is my office or anything" Uncle Jack spoke with laughter and almost smugness in his voice. I smiled back to him, but ever one to get embarrassed; Lauren dropped her head to my chest, making sure to hide her flaming face. Jack moved around the office and casually sat at his desk, seemingly ignoring our presence and the situation he walked in on. He remained quiet for a few minutes before looking up from his paper work. "Oh sorry did interrupt you?"

"Well maybe just a little Uncle Jack" I smiled running my hand over Laurens head, my fingers brushing through her hair.

"Go on then go do whatever you're going to do…" Jack shooed us from the office shooting a wink in my direction as Lauren fled from the room and towards the door. I was expecting her to have gone through the door and to not have waited for me. But she hadn't, as I reached the door she nervously reached out and laced her fingers through mine. I assured her that this was exactly what I wanted and squeezed her hand.

"Come on"

*JL*JL*JL*

"I think I want to go and talk to Dad." She said softly as we sat on the war memorial eating a tray of chips between us. I looked up and saw her eyes shining, they were slightly glazed and guessed she was near on tears again.

"If and only if you're sure that that's what you want?" she sniffed and popped another chip into her mouth, but nodded slightly in response to my question. "Ok, then we'll go"

"On my own" she whispered seconds later looking back down to the floor. She bit on her nails and I couldn't help but smile, it was a telltale sign she was nervous. I understood why she wanted to go on her own but, after everything I didn't think it was the cleverest of ideas, especially not after the run in they'd had the other day.

"Babe, do you really think that's such a good idea, I mean, you and your Dad have a rocky relationship are you really in the right place to take what he has to say to you?" I reached out and took her hand in mine "Because I know he's your dad and everything, but the last time you saw him you ended up running to the Vic and into the arms and Vodka."

I saw a tear drop down her cheek, the back of her hand quickly brushing it away, trying to hide the fact she was crying. "I just don't want you getting hurt again babe…you have people to support you, Uncle Jack, Ronnie …Me" her head turned back to me, she looked so defeated.

"And do I ? Have you…" her voice was a soft whisper, the emotional wobble was more than present.

"You have me Lauren, I promise this time, things will be different, they'll be better." I sighed and decided I needed to take the risk and be honest with her from the start, this was a new beginning for me, for us. "I know we both want to be together and that we love each other right?" to my relief she nodded quickly. "So we need to do things differently. I want to make sure you aren't going to get hurt"

"I know you won't hurt me Joey"

"You don't babe…I don't know if things are going to suddenly take a turn for the worst and you're going to feel like you need the alcohol again" I saw her face drop as she shook her head. "But, I'm going to try my hardest to make sure that doesn't happen. We're going to take things slowly, we're going to go on dates" Lauren giggled next to me and I knew she wasn't taking this as badly as I was expecting her too. "I'm going to take you out and we're going to do the things we never did the first time around. We're going to fall in love all over again" her big brown eyes looked up at mine and could see the soft smile tugging at her lips. "You're going to come to me, when you feel like you need to drink, because I will be there."

"You promise me?" she asked, I nodded and pulled her into a hug "Because I'm going to need you Joey, I'm not better…not really. I'm far from it, there's not a day gone by where the thought of drinking hasn't infiltrated my mind. It's all around me. The temptation is there 24/7. It's the first thing I crave in a morning and the last thing I want of a night, one single drop could kill me and sometimes I actually think that would be ok, just as long as long as I got to taste the alcohol again. You have no Idea what that feels like Joey…"

And she was right I didn't know. Before, I was stupid enough it was just Lauren being Lauren, being stubborn and rebellious. But god It was so much more than that. It was heart breaking to see how scared she was that her addiction was killing and in my head I knew she needed me now more than ever. Lauren was always going to be an alcoholic, I knew that now and as much as I killed me to admit I caught the tiniest of glimpses of how she might be feeling.

"Your right baby I don't know, you'll have to tell me…"

"Tell you what?" she asked throwing the chip wrapper in the bin to the side of us.

"What it feels like , how it makes you feel … why you drank" she stared at me and I could see the tears building, yet again. Even in the dull light I could her face pale at my request. "You know you can trust me don't you?" She nodded weakly.

"It's not that I don't trust you Joey… your probably one of the only people I still trust"

"Then why?"

"I'm scared." Briefly, her eyes flickered to mine and I frowned "I'm scared that if you know the reasons you'll leave, I've just got you back and I don't think I could bear to lose you again Joey." I took a deep breath in, reaching over to turn her face to look at me.

"I promise you, with everything I have, I'm not going anywhere" it felt like a life time before she nodded and rested her head (a little cautiously) on my shoulder. It reminded me so much of the time we were together in the park, the first time I'd told her I loved her. Back when things seemed so much more simple and easy. I guess we were naïve think what we were doing wouldn't have its consequences, not a second do I regret anything though, the only thing I'd change would be to make sure Lauren wouldn't be hurt in the process. Reflecting my actions from that day I pace my lips my lips softly to her forehead; leaving them there as she breathed in.

"Like air…" she breathed out in a complacent voice.

"What babe?"

"You asked me what it made me feel like…the alcohol, it makes me feel like air. Weightless. Free from everything, everyone." I tightened my arm around her and let her continue, my words would have seemed insignificant at that point. She shifted a fraction closer to my embrace, her one hand reaching for my free one. "Growing up Mum and Dad always rowed, they didn't seem to realize they had a kid. It just got worse and worse over the years and as soon as I tasted alcohol for the time I felt different. I liked it, I like the feel it gave me and the taste. I guess back when I was 17 I didn't really realize how much I actually did like it."

"Quite a bit ay babe?" I asked softly getting a nod in response.

"Ye... Alcohol took away the shyness, paralysing self-consciousness. It gave me a warm and happy new feeling that freed me up to do anything. I danced at parties, yelled in the street, sang on buses, hitch-hiked across London, talked to strangers, no fear of anything. I loved it. I thought it helped me to be the real me."

"That's not who you are Lauren…" I reassured her

"Isn't it ?" I shook my head, that wasn't her, I knew it wasn't. The real Lauren was a scared, fragile girl who was wanting to feel loved and wanted. "How can you be so sure Joey ? because quite frankly I don't even know who I am anymore"

"Mum's Cancer was the biggest player in it all…I think. For once I felt like I was needed, that she could trust me, she actually told me she was proud of me" She scoffed and rolled her eyes "that was actually the last time she told me she was proud of me."

"What happened from there ?"

" I kept It a secret and it killed me, it was so hard to watch her suffer and not be able to talk to anyone about it. But then She stopped having treatment, became the Mum from hell; so I became the child from hell. Went out drinking every night I could, got completely hammered and woke up on so many occasions in god knows who's bed with disgusting random men. I felt used and dirty. I couldn't talk to Mum about it so I just drank and drank and drank. I didn't have any logical reason it was purely to get lost from the real world" I wiped the tears from her cheeks and to be honest was getting upset myself. I really hit hard what she'd been through. I hated the thought of her with all those vile people who used her.

"Baby…I think you've said enough tonight ay ? I'll take you back to Jacks, you can tell me the rest tomorrow"

"No…I'd rather say it all now if you don't mind, I don't think I'd be willing to start again tomorrow" I Nodded and let her carry on. "Things hit a major low when Dad came back. Things got too much for me and I exploded told everyone Mum had Cancer and I forced Dad back to come and sort things out. Obviously it didn't work, I drank more then, because I wasn't needed. Then was My 18th birthday where I got epically drunk and Mum and Dad were ashamed of me. I did get my act together for a while though. I went back to college and spent the summer volunteering. Then, well then you showed up"

She looked at me smiling a genuine grin. "I showed up and what?" said smirking

"You know what…I fell in love with you" her smile suddenly dropped and she sighed "Then we made a mess of things and I did the only thing I knew… I turned to Alcohol"

"Ye and I'm to blame for that Lauren, I pushed you to it"

"Maybe… but it was still my choice. The lies and everything won and I lost you and myself. Ye we got back together, but it wasn't under the best of circumstances was it ? I mean you were willing to face prison for me Joey, something I could never understand. It was my fault, I was drunk, like always."

"Because I love you Lauren, there was no way I was letting you go to prison ."

"Well I'm very happy it didn't come to either of us going to prison." Her smile was teasing a little. I could feel her body getting closer to mine as the air started to chill and the last of the sun faded. "You saw everything that happened after that…I kept drinking, you couldn't cope with me and you shouldn't have had to, we broke up and I got ill"

"Babe you nearly died…" I sighed, she got way more than _ill. _

"I know…" I could see her ponder over her thoughts, I guess it was a big thing for her to be talking to me like this, I know for sure, we'd never talked this and I could only assume she'd very rarely been listen too either.

"I was so scared Lauren… I thought I'd lost you. I know I didn't get to see you but you scared me so much. When you were missing, I spent the day; despite what Max and Tanya had said, looking for you, and then I got back to the square and Al said you were in hospital just thought the worst. I thought she's gone and I'm never going to get to say sorry and to tell her I love her. I came to the hospital and your Mum and Dad told me to go. Then when you were home I came to see you and Abi…"

"Told you to go, I know. I didn't know you came to the hospital, I wish Mum had let you see me. You were all I wanted. I wanted to day sorry and I didn't blame you and I really wanted to say bye to you the day I left, but it was kind of fast and I guess it was for the best"

"I'm glad you went and thought about yourself for once, you needed to get better for you Lauren and I know you're always going to want the drink but I want you to know, you have me any time, day or night, you need me I'll be there. Ok ?"

She nodded at me and kissed my cheek in a sweet, soft kiss. "I think I want to go back to Jacks, please?"

"of course, come on" I stood and held my hand out, pulling her up gently.

*JL*JL*JL*

"Joey?"

"Ye?" I looked at her as she paused before the door to the flat

"Thank you" she smiled fiddling with the key between her fingers. I took a step forward and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"anytime"

"I'll hold you to that" she grinned opening the door

"You better!"


	13. Chapter 13

Laurens POV

Waking up the next morning I felt so much better, cliché to say I know but I felt like a different person. Ok not a different person, a more relived person who knew she had support when she needed it. Talking with Joey the day before had been such a strange experience for me. I didn't really know how to talk to him before, like before I left. I always thought that the slightest of things were going to send him running back into the arms of Lucy. At the time I found it hard to believe that he loved me. Looking back now I know I should have trusted him, after all he wouldn't be in a relationship with me, his cousin, if he didn't think it was worth it. Still it was hard, after he left after the crash and told me I was a mistake, it was just difficult to be able to let myself back there again. I wasn't the most trusting of people ; I had Mum and Dad to thank for that, so I found it hard to give myself fully to him. But rehab had taught me a lot of things, one of them being able to talk, and I mean really talk.

Joey had been amazing the day before, he actually sat and listened to me, understanding what I was saying and not judging me. He really wanted to know and I think that was the mistakes we made before. I didn't want him to know and Joey didn't really have the understanding he did now. He got it wasn't just a simple thing he could click his fingers over and it would vanish, as much as we wanted it to be that way, it wasn't. He knew now it was an ongoing issues, that it would be a part of me for the rest of my life, I'd always be the girl with the alcohol issues.

I stretched out in the bed, a big smile stretching on my face. I'd slept so well last night and I had a pretty good idea why. Joey had sent me a message before I'd gone to sleep, just wishing me good night, and ye it was the simplest of messages, but it was a big deal to me. I know he was serious and he meant everything he had said.

"Lauren breakfast" I jumped from the bed, wrapping my dressing gown around me. Ronnie had a habit of making breakfast for us all now, it was like a proper little family, accept Jack and Ronnie weren't my Mum and Dad. This was the first day since being back in Walford a month ago that I hadn't been for my run.

I was slightly disappointed in myself for letting my routine slip as soon as Joey was back on the scene, but as my councillor had said many times, my running was only a distraction and there would be times when I didn't feel like a needed to run and that was ok. Having reassured myself I hadn't failed, I opened the bedroom door and sat at the table pulling a piece of toast into my mouth straight away.

Ronnie and Jack had stopped eating, Jack's hand hovering in mid-air over his mug, holding a tea spoon of sugar. They exchanged a look as I took a bite and then looked at me – that was weird. "what?"

"nothing, nothing" Jack shook his head and finally put the sugar filled spoon into his tea.

"no come on, you're looking at me really odd" I questioned putting my toast down.

"you look extremely happy this morning that's all darling…" I rolled my eyes and sat waiting for the next bit which I knew was about to follow. It was quite for a while, the sound of crunching toast and clanking of the spoon on the mugs just made it even more awkward . "wouldn't have anything to do with a certain nephew of mine would it ?"

"who Oscar ? Ye Uncle Jack he came all the way back to London in the middle of the might" Ronnie giggled, causing me to smirk, but Jack didn't seem too impressed with my comedy.

"Very funny… you know who I meant, you two seemed pretty sorted in the office yesterday" he raised an eyebrow and then suddenly yelped. He shot a glare across at Ronnie who I assumed; by the way jack was rubbing his shin, had just kicked him.

"ye thanks for the little intervention Uncle Jack, we talked " I took a sip of juice and smiled, o really couldn't help the smile, it was like a reflex. "just talked"

"it looked a little more than talking when I walked in" he smirked a slight pleasure in his voice that he was embarrassing me. I shot him a look as my cheeks flamed knowing full well jack had caught us in the middle of quite an intense kiss.

"well come on then…" Ronnie said

"We came to the conclusion, that we both made mistakes and we're going to give things another shot. We're taking things slow and doing everything the right way this time. He's made some promises and I know he means them." As if in some odd form of magic the door knocked, Jack getting up to answer it.

"ahh talk of the devil… come in Joe" my head snapped up to see Joey standing awkwardly by the door stuffing his hands into the pockets of his shorts. Hmm Joey in shorts. That was a sight I hadn't seem for a while- his perfectly formed legs, arms ….arse, were all showed off to a T. See I know there was a reason I came back in the summer. My smile instantly grew bigger and I knew I must have looked like a complete idiot. "right we're off" Jack said, he passed Ronnie her jacket and looked with a smug smile at me miming a "behave".

"have a good day sweetie" I smiled gently as Ronnie softly kissed my forehead followed by uncle Jack. The two of them left and me and Joey both waited for the sound of the front entry door to close before either of us moved.

As soon as that tell-tale click was heard, our smiles widened even more, if at all possible. My jaw was seriously starting to ache but, I just couldn't help it. "good morning" Joey literally stated, it was like he was admitting it was a _good _morning.

"hmm yes it is… and it's just got a whole lot better" I stood up from the chair and made my way over to him, his arms automatically enveloping me. "Hi"

"Hi" he kissed me briefly "you ok?"

"yes thank you" I nodded and held a slice of toast out to him. He smiled but shook his head. " so what brings you here ? not that I mind in the slightest." I added quickly.

"nice save" he smirked a little glint of something in his eyes. He was up to something "we are going out for the day…I'm taking you on a date" I think my face said it all and I knew I had definitely zoned out a little when I heard him chuckle and click his fingers in front of me.

"sorry" I felt the blush rise in my cheeks, so in an aim to cool off _literally, _ I took a huge gulp of juice and decided to choke in the process. At first it was only a slight cough but it just got worse, and to add to the embarrassment Joey had to pat my back like I was some kind of incapable child.

"careful babe…" he soothed, a little hint of laughter to his voice "better?"

I nodded and sipped the water he'd given me " so where are we going?"

"aha" he tapped his nose with his finger and raised his eyebrow-so sexy when he does that. I shook my head of the stupid thought…. Well not so stupid he was incredibly hot… anyway he looked back to me "that's for me to know and you to find out… go change we have about an hour before we need to leave" I opened my mouth to ask a question but he stopped me "you trust me yes?" I nodded "then just get changed and don't ask questions"

I frowned and pouted a little but soon felt myself being marched to the bathroom with instructions of shower and change. I could feel the excitement building as I stood in the shower, this was the first proper date I'd been on in years. I let myself go into my own little world for god knows how long.

"Beautiful singing babe… but we're running out of time here" Joeys voice came through the bathroom door, my own mind kicked itself. Turns out I'd been singing (out of tune) my little heart out like I was the next Adele. Poor Joey's ears.

"sorry" I murmured back receiving yet another chuckle in response.

*JL*JL*JL*

"You look beautiful babe" I blushed at his comment as he held my hand and led me from the flat. After debating with me over what was appropriate to wear, he finally gave me a few hints and suggested I wore something comfortable but made me feel good. So I'd decided on a patterned dress, it was summer after all. Plus Mum had completely overhauled my wardrobe whilst I was down south. Apparently skinnys and back tops didn't quite cut it. I guess a sober Lauren was a brighter Lauren and so I did agree my clothes needed to reflect that.

"Thank you…Mum made me buy it" Joey casually walked us along towards the tube station our fingers naturally entwining.

"It really suites you, brings out your eyes" my heart skipped and began beating heavily as his hand came up and brushed my hair behind my ear. I was more than thankful I'd worn it down today, because, even without words, I knew what that gesture meant and like that, the last shimmer of doubt was gone.

**Last one for the weekend i'll be back to update next Friday :) **

**Where's Joey taking Lauren on their date ? and don't you just over the Mum and Dad figures in Jack and Ronnie xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Laurens POV.

Eventually I'd guessed we were going somewhere away from Walford, well it was a given really considering we got on a tube. Joey had blindfolded me so I didn't know what train we were on and he'd made me keep it on for a good 10 minutes after the train had started to move. It was fun to start with, but it began to get a bit boring and a bit disturbing. I could hear everything that was going on around me but couldn't bloody see anything.

"You can take it off now…" his fingers gently lifted the material from my eyes, letting me see where we were. I blinked a few times trying to adjust my eyes to the light. It was obvious now we were on our way to the city, the bigger buildings becoming more apparent as the train continued to move. The tube was rammed; there were several people sitting next to Joe and I on the train , and others lines the aisles too. It was only then I realised I was sitting very comfortably on Joey's lap. I must admit I was a little embarrassed at this slight PDA, we very rarely did anything like this, most of the time our affections were behind closed doors, if you know what I mean. "Any clue where we're going ?" he whispered, moving my hair across my shoulder.

"not really, just that were on the way to the city ?" I said, I really couldn't think of anywhere he would be taking me.

"Well I'm glad that you don't know, it would have ruined the surprise" he smiled teasingly. I wriggled a little on him trying to get comfortable , my innocent move proving to be not so innocent as we received a few questionable looks from other commuters as Joey groaned quite a deep throaty moan.

*JL*JL*JL*

"this is our stop baby…" My eyes grew wide as I looked at what station we had pulled into, he knew how much I'd wanted to go there. I'd told him quite a few times in the past and I just couldn't believe that he'd remembered.

"Covent Garden ?" he nodded and nudged me gently towards the train doors. "Covent Garden" I repeated for probably the 6th time since leaving the train. "You remembered?"

"Ye… I thought we could go to the markets, you can look at all the art stuff and then we can go for dinner ? I remember quite a few things about you Lauren" I nodded and kissed him quickly. "Lets go"

Stepping from the station and onto the streets was like walking into a parallel universe. It was different to plain old Walford. The atmosphere instantly made you happy, there was music playing, people performing on the streets it was amazing. I looked up to Joe smiling, I hadn't felt this happy in a long time. "It's amazing here Joey…"

"It really is… but most places are amazing when you're in them babe" I actually could have cried at that, I'd missed my romantic Joe, well I'd missed every type of my Joe. We walked around looking at all the different things about, it was so colourful and eye-catching, the sights and sounds were accompanied by the different smells of homemade foods. "Do you want one ?" Joey asked as I stood reading a menu for fruit smoothies.

"No It's ok, I won't drink an entire one"

"Share ?" his smirk told me he wouldn't be taking no for an answer.

"Ok we can share Branning, I'm still choosing the flavour though!" no way was Joey choosing we'd end up drinking some weird concoction. He rolled his eyes and passed across the menu.

"Good choice babe, this tastes really good!" Joey was sipping on the drink what had been served inside a hollowed out coconut, it looked brilliant.

"Told you"

*JL*JL*JL*

As the we reached lunch time we'd decided , well Joey had made the decision, we were going to this bistro, that was apparently _the _best around. Walking in I could see why it would be so good, the food looked so yummy. As if on cue my stomach rumbled. Joe had to bite back a laugh as a waiter showed us to our table. I wasn't impressed to see the slight smirk on his lips at least 10 minutes later.

"Stop Laughing at me" I frowned, although it was quite hard not to find it funny.

"Sorry baby…"

"You will be" I glared mockingly, jut us our food was placed down.

We ate the food in a comfortable silence, not missing the slight looks we were stealing from each other, this really had been a perfect first date.

Joey paid as we left, even though I assured him, you were meant to split the bill on the first date (slight lie and it still didn't work.) It had reached afternoon and We'd done everything. I'd brought some new art stuff from the market and had even made Joey have a go at some painting. When he said he couldn't paint, he wasn't lying.

*JL*JL*JL*

"What's the matter?" Joey questioned as I leaned against him. We were going back to Walford now and I really didn't want the day to end.

"Today's been so perfect and now we have to go back, I don't want today to end."

Joey sighed as I leaned against him "I know babe I don't want things to end either." I could tell he was hesitating over something. "I'd love more than anything for you to stay with me tonight and wake with you tomorrow morning, but I don't want to ruin things either. You get that don't you?"

"Of course I do" although I couldn't say I wasn't disappointed. "We could just go to uncle jacks and watch a film or something ? nothing will happen then…" I suggested looking up at him from his chest.

"I think that's a good idea, but I am NOT watching twilight or anything in that bloody series again" he frowned in mock sternness.

"Why were you scared of the vampires ?" I teased

"Ye completely petrified babe…." I laughed and went back to lean against his chest. "I've missed holding you like this" his eyes were staring down at me, burning with so much more than what they should have been for a "_first date" _

I smiled up at him gently pressing my lips to his in a sweet kiss, I was so willing to screw everything we had said and go home with him that night, sleep in the same bed, but I knew for things to work, we had to do it a steady pace.

**A day earlier than I said I know but hey ho :) xxx**


End file.
